Circle, Wave, Line

This week's formatting is gonna be a true test of my determination to keep up writing here. I'm sure the second true test will be when I have a regular job, but this is kind of regarding that...

See, writing's a funny thing. I want a job writing, because that's the Ideal. I specifically want a job writing my own stories at set deadlines for publishers who want to put my works out into the world. Whenever I mention this to people, I get this great reaction so consistently that I can paint you a mental picture of it off the top of my head...

Eyes squint at the corners. Nostrils flare ever so slightly. Lips pinch at the sides, with the centers separated ever so slightly. Eyebrows both raise and swoop up above the brow line to make a surprised skateboard ramp. Cheeks get sucked in just a little. It's a look of pity, enhanced with the sense that this person has been suddenly saddled with the sole responsibility of crushing my spirit and forcing me to accept the realities of the world. It's their job to bring me down. Oh sweetie, you know that's not a realistic way to think, right? 

I'm the one that must exhaust energy, every time, that must reassure my audience that yes, I do realize the chances of my works being published regularly enough to be my career is slim, and yes, I don't expect to only write for the rest of my days, and of course I'll be getting another job, this is just a hobby, I can do it in my free time, look at me I'm Well Adjusted and Sensible, Thank God. Writing's a funny thing because I see it in three forms right now, and this exact exchange above keeps it in the first form. This writing is a circle. It's how corporate America the real world sees my aspirations. They aren't immediately profitable, they hold no guarantees of success. It's scary, it's tough, it's not a real job. The circle is Write => Enjoy Writing => Express Joy in Writing => Experience Intimidation by "Realists" => Write Less => Find Inspiration => Write, and so on. That circle can loop over and over again until death separates me from my writing implements, if I let it.

The second form is a wave. This is where I'm at now, or at least working to face. So I'm on the job hunt, having opted to strike a balance between my ideals and the call for realism about gainful employment. I was recently given the instruction to seek out avenues in which I get to write, either as a member of a team or as my own separate author, where I'm not just generating my own stories but rather ones I'm given instructions and guidelines for. This includes anthology entries, short stories for magazines, or scripts and concepts for video games, just to name a few. After I Googled 'How To Become A Story Writer For Video Games' did a little bit of research, it became apparent to me once again that while this gets me on the road to success, it will take far more self motivation than I have right now. A job in writing where you're not just generating the stories you want to tell still leaves you writing as a hobby, to fill in those gaps of creativity. So I'd have the writing I get paid for at the crest of the wave and the writing I do to fulfill my own needs at the trough of the wave. I'm still moving forward, I'm still generating content, but the energy I have will mostly be going into the writing I get paid for because that's just, like, my job, man. And the work I have actual passion for removed from all outside sources of encouragement suffers accordingly.

In case the title didn't make it completely obvious yet, the final form is line. This, my friends, is the Ideal. The Preferred Authorial Life. It progresses forward, new content created at my own will. I have inspiration, I act on it. I tell the stories I want to tell, and I'm paid comfortably for it. A crazy concept, wanting to be paid to do what you love. It's consistent, it's steady, and it holds the promise of ultimate satisfaction on my end. I want to get here, but I know (yes I DO KNOW, okay, you can all stop worrying) it's gonna take some riding the wave to get there. Got to create a depth of field, need to show competence and success (see: get published). It gets that feeling all jobs have, where you can't get a job unless you have experience but you can't get experience unless you have a job...

So while I apply, generating content here that I'm proud of certainly doesn't hurt.