Trudging and Ruts

Can I get a raise of hands for the number of people who just hit a brick wall in their lives with decent regularity? No? Oh, right, wrong platform. The illusion that I'm a lackluster standup comedian lingers... 

So let's talk about motivation. And by talk I mean I'm going to sit here and type out a whole bunch of words for people to read and then wait to see if this opens a dialogue. It's taken me a great deal to get to this point. I'm able to admit that. I feel safe saying that motivation is sometimes hard to come by. Whether someone will come forward to verify or deny this declaration of mine remains to be seen. When I first started this and asked for feedback, it was with vague hopes that I would be pushed forward by it. With time I have learned that I am terrible at motivating myself for myself. Give me a project and I'll do it, but the second I need to do it for myself, all drive to complete the task just withers away. It's why I have a decent number of knitting projects completed and Magic The Gathering cards altered, but none of them belong to me. 

To put a finger on why, I believe it's a three-facetted problem. Firstly, I'm an extrovert through and through. Not only do I seek out company when without, but my energy levels and push to achieve things when even casually observed go through the roof. I recharge emotionally and mentally when with people. When left to my own devices, energy levels deplete. I wilt. A week to myself becomes torture when trying to get the littlest thing done, even if it's as basic as making dinner. I don't really need to make a decent dinner, do I? It's just gonna be me that's eating it. No need, really. Might as well sit down with a half a watermelon and a spoon and call it a day. Not that that's ever a bad idea, I love me some watermelon.

Secondly, we have what I refer to as the concept of completion. I touched on this in How To Be A Better Dragon regarding my personal written projects - if I just keep holding onto what I'm writing, what I'm making, it can always be better. This line of thinking results in a litany of incomplete projects that can always be improved. When I'm set to task by another individual, however, there's usually a deadline involved. This person wants this done within their lifetimes, maybe even within months or days or hours of requesting. Maybe I should get a move-on? Makes sense, I suppose. I remember when even deadlines didn't do it for me. Ah, maturity sure is swell...

Thirdly, it's undeniable that in almost every field I've chosen, I'm working with some decently subjective material. You can't look at a painting and go, "That's wrong. You did art wrong," because there's no wrong way to do art. You can't bottle or measure or weigh it. There have been established levels of quality for things like paintings and sculptures and written works, but these things require enforced genres, and they are all capable of having exceptions. A good written work is in theory grammatically correct within the language it's being judged, with a clearly conveyed idea and tidy conclusion. But then there's open-ended stories and slang and concept novels that are written abstractly. The only thing that pins a subjective piece down as Good is when someone points at it and says This Is Good. Positive feedback validates the piece. Negative feedback develops the piece. Lack of feedback erases the piece.

It's important to know what gives you drive in life. Maybe this is a result of my own particular collection of neuroses of which everyone has their own unique cocktail or lack thereof but as a result I know how to best proceed in my own work environments. I've learned to set my goals. Most importantly I've learned how to ask for help with it. It's a process. Sometimes it's like pulling teeth. Not every day is going to be better than the one before, but the overall projected arc is one of improvement. 

And that's pretty neat.